Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

There is a show I like to watch sometimes -- In the heat of the Night. I like it, because it sometimes brings back old memories, old sights, old ideas -- some of which are pleasant, but some are very unpleasant.

Today, it brought up a very unpleasant memory of a problem that was nation-wide, with some improvement over the years -- The problem of sexual harassment in the workplace.

In the story, a woman was working for a male boss who required certain sexual activity, in order for her to keep her job. Eventually, he raped her. The next time she was required to work late, she brought a gun. When he came toward her, she fired, killing him.

As the story ended, the detective was walking with his wife, who had expressed sympathy for the woman. His response to her was that she had done the wrong thing (granted). Then he added that the right thing would have been to quit her job.

Of course, the story ended this way in order to incite the very feelings I had, upon hearing his statement: anger. An extreme sense of anger, accompanied with my own memories of sexual harassment on the job.

In my first "real" job, I was a dental assistant, and the elderly dentist thought it was all right for him to pinch my breasts. Unfortunately, because I had no idea that I could do anything about it, this went on for months, until I became engaged and, feeling more empowered, I told him to stop.

I wish the harassment had stopped then, but no -- when my first husband died, and I went back to work, I cashiered for Country Club Markets in Bloomington, MN. My boss knew my first husband and knew I was widowed. Did that stop him? No! He told me dirty jokes every day, after my first few weeks there, as I was working. And every day, I told him his behavior was unacceptable.

Then he started putting his arms around me. I went home and decided what I had to do.

Women had no recourse then: we ALWAYS lost our jobs, and our harassers always continued their climb up the corporate ladder, while we had to start over elsewhere.

The next day, sure enough, he sneaked up behind me, and put his arms around me again. I made a fist with my right hand, and using my left hand for added force, I hit him as hard as I could in the mid-stomach with my elbow. He moaned loudly, grabbed his stomach, and took off for the meat department. I followed him. I walked up to him and said, "I quit."

That was the only satisfaction I could expect in 1977: to hurt him and get by with it, then lose my bi-weekly paycheck.

I used to think that the days of women paying for sexual harassment were over. But they are not. I worked in 2001 for a large lumber company. A man there started, and as soon as he did, I told. I got "laid off"; he kept working. I was clueless that this could happen, until I brought it up at my synagogue and was told that I should have gotten a lawyer, and they should have heard of his actions from that lawyer, not me.

In 2004, I finally got up the nerve to seek employment again, when I learned that my husband's church was looking for someone to run the office. It looked perfect to me! They had no pastor, and after having experienced sexual harassment from three pastors in the old church, this looked perfect!

I got the job! And things went wonderfully, until they hired a pastor. I told my husband that night, "There goes my job." I promised him I would stay, though, until something happened.

Nothing did. And I am still there, loving my job and all the people there.

Now here's the bottom line of what I want to convey: teach your children that they and they alone have power over their bodies while at work, at school, and in church, as well as other places. If I had only known. If only!

But I can thank G-d that He protected me from rape, in spite of my ignorance.