A Victory

3 Feb, 2010, taken from my other blog . . . .

There were certain struggles in my childhood that continued late into my adulthood. One of the things that was difficult for me to learn was how to honor my parents. I had sought the answer to the questions long and hard, and the answer only came in early 2009. For the 39 years previous to then, I had asked so many people for answers, and many of them had given me the correct answers, but it was not until early that year that it "clicked," so when we went camping then, I had a fun and entertaining answer to prayer.

What was the best answer? It went something like this: Treat your parents with the honor so due them because they gave you life; and through that life, you know Yeshua; and through Yeshua, you have eternal life.

Usually, when we go camping, my husband treks, but I bring my Bibles and books, staying at the RV, studying all day long and well into the night.

That year, we had gone shopping, and I picked up a book about the lumber industry in the late 1800s and early 1900s. I had thought, "Father, his father, and my uncles are in photos all over the Internet from their days logging the redwoods and tall spruce, so maybe they are in the book!" I would have been delighted if they had been but they were not.

I was feeling creative one day and thought that I would love to write a song or some prose about the lumber industry as it was when Father was in it. Such thoughts were soon extinguished, because I wasn't in the industry myself, so what did I know? Still, I was in that creative mood! I wanted to write or draw something! The creative juices began to flow, and I ended up writing a song, with tune and all, about Mother and Father. An entertaining (to me, at least) little ditty was produced. And through it, G-d once again taught me something.

The 5th Word says, "Honor your father and mother." This little humorous song could have easily taken on tones that would not have honored them, but I wanted to be obedient. So while I was enjoying myself, G-d taught me more about what I can say that will still honor.

The song ended up being a test: a test to see if I could write a song about my parents that was fun and creative without demeaning them but honoring them throughout the whole song. It was also a test to see if I could be both honest and humorous, and I believe I passed the tests.

All family members become part of HaShem's plan within a believer's life, but He chooses so carefully our parents and siblings, whether or not these are birth-family members. These are the ones through whom our basic character is formed, and we will either retain those characteristics, good or bad, or release the "bad" to G-d so that His miracle of transformation can work for us.

Of us five siblings, my three older ones were all gone from our home by the first month of my 8th (or was it seventh?) year, leaving only one older sister and our parents. We soon moved 2000 miles from my home. Regardless, I carried with me indelible impressions of my older siblings:
B -- independent, ethical
M_1 -- loving, tenacious
W -- independent, a searcher
Unfortunately, there was little family contact, so I knew little of them as adults and learned to go on with life without them. Only after the last too-few years have we all come together by email and through a family forum, in order to form a relationship, with the absence of one sister.

So my childhood after age 8-1/2 was limited to a family consisting of my next-older sister, Father, and Mother. Limiting myself again to only two characteristics, my sister M_2 was gentle and curious about life.

Me? I was born independent and tenacious, but I certainly was not gentle -- the characteristic M_2 had and I so needed! She was also graceful and feminine, sweet and capable in all social situations, humorous and interested -- all characteristics I lacked within a short time after toddlerhood.

Certain life-situations came up early to which I reacted by building a hard, unholy shell about myself. I went into that shell and stayed there, serving only a shriveling me. I did not learn femininity or gentleness from Mary, even though I could have. My hard shell prevented that. Still lacking in those areas, I have learned that I must practice them and act as though I have them. I keep thinking that I will eventually develop what I practice having.

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Something has (since the above writing) inexplicably occurred that has rushed me into learning some of the concepts.

Through the years from the age of 19, "skinny-as-a-rail" me started gaining weight -- lots of weight -- as I dealt (or refused to deal) with old issues. As G-d's healing of the old "stuff" has progressed, I have changed. Part of that change is that I was comfortable enough to start losing the weight. As of today, I have lost 52 (rats -- I gained back 1-1/2) pounds.

As a result, I had to give away almost all my clothes, and in doing that, I discovered three forgotten garment bags way in the back of my closet -- what I would call my "old skinny clothes," except for one thing: they are all a little too big. But the big deal is they look all right, and they are all dressy clothes -- every last one.

I wrote above, "I have learned that I must practice [better mannerisms] and act as though I have them. I keep thinking that I will eventually develop what I practice having." Well, rather than runnning about in jeans and casual shirts, finding all those clothes has forced into wearing dressy clothes most of the time.

I used to protest that I am not a "dressy person," but in my more honest moments, I would admit that I would love to dress in dressy, classic clothes. Finding the clothes, and having only them, I am enjoying it! Further, I all my new clothes are also dressy. And I've found that deep inside, I really am somewhat feminine! Further, wearing them is a reminder of the gentleness that ought to (in my mind) go with such clothing.